Oddly, many later commentators ignore the emotion of this text and view it through a legal lens. Tosafot point out that it is explicitly forbidden in Leviticus 19:28 (this week's Torah portion) to "make a cut in your flesh for the dead." In essence the Torah forbids "cutting" as a means to cope with one's pain. While I'm sure there were other reasons to this prohibition, one can read the text as a call for those who are hurting to seek the comfort and help of others and avoid self-mutilation. However, faced with this contradiction Tosafot point to the end of the phrase "for the dead" to prove that one is not allowed to cut one's flesh over the loss of a loved one, but in Akiba's case he was permitted to cut himself because he was mourning not the loss of Eliezer but rather the loss of Eliezer's Torah knowledge.
Clearly, Tosafot were trying to come up with a creative way to allow Akiba to be correct and for the Leviticus text to be valid. Like usual their answer was smart, but I wonder if it might be more helpful to see Akiba as violating this commandment.
Few Rabbis are as heralded for their piety and knowledge of the law as Akiba. However, we see from this text that even he is capable of being swept away by pain and sadness and might forget the law and societal norms. Here we see Akiba not as the person who has the presence of mind to say the Shema as he is dying, but as the man who loses control. I am not endorsing what Akiba did. We should look out for signs of people who might be susceptible to cutting and self mutilation. However, I wonder if sometimes we don't give people the space to have really raw moments after a tragedy. Perhaps, Akiba has shown us it's ok to cry, scream, vent, and yell when something bad happens. It's our human urge. It's our human right.
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