Resurrected From Finals (San ch 11)

Well, it's been awhile but I'm back. I got behind over finals and it has taken me some time to catch up. Now that I am, all I can say is: WOW, chapter eleven is out of this world, literally. The chapter deals with all kinds of CrAZy things like the world to come and the messianic era. The connection is that in a tractate dedicated to court proceedings, we should know a little something about what is going on in the heavenly courts.

My inspiration to get back on board probably came from the fear implanted in my brain upon reading that my share in the world to come is being forfeited every day based on my values, thoughts and actions. In the opening Mishnah in chapter eleven we learn that the following people forfeit their share in the world to come (San 90a6-90a7):

• One who says that there is no reference to the resurrection of the dead in the Torah
• One who says the Torah did not come from Heaven
• an Apikoros (one who disparages a Torah scholar)
• One who reads external books
• One who incants over a wound
• One who pronounces the Name of God accoding to its letters

Given these restrictions and some of the crazy examples the rabbis give to support them, my only saving grace at this point seems to be studying and teaching Torah, as we learn:

• "Whoever teaches Torah in this world merits to teach it in the World to Come" (92a1)
• "What can a person do to be spared the travail of the Messiah? One should occupy himself in the study of Torah and in acts of kindness" (San 98b1)

Studying this chapter has kind of put me in an unexpected faith crossroads. Just as I was beginning to feel comfortable with embracing modern Jewish thought and some of the theological principles of the reform movement, I am hit over the head with the idea that holding these beliefs might sacrifice my share in the world to come. Seems silly for a modern Jew to be concerned about this kind of thing, but then I ask, what if I'm wrong? If the only way to forfeit my share in the world to come is by rejecting certain principles of belief, why am I so insistent upon doing so? Am I going to be the rabbi who leads the congregation in saying m'chayei hakol during the Amidah but then secretly whisper under my breath m'chayei hameitim, just to be safe, because at the end of the day nobody really knows and isn't it better to secure my place in the world to come? Unlikely, but not impossible. It happened to R Abuhu so I suppose it could happen to me.

R Abahu used to deliver Torah lectures on the subject of the three kings listed in our Mishnah as not having any portion in the World to Come. It happened once that he fell ill. Assuming that he was being punished for lecturing about the sins of the three kings, he understood not to lecture on the subject ever again. Once he recovered, however, he resumed lecturing! (102a5-102b1)

My hope is that I don't end up like R Abahu who lets his personal well being dictate his actions. Needless to say I have no conclusion yet, other than to keep on keeping on with the learning and the acts of kindness and hope that I will figure out a way to reconcile my beliefs in a way that lend themselves to providing me and my liberal colleagues and friends a share in the world to come.